25 May 2011

What to Forget

Today's writing idea comes from NaBloPoMo.

"What would you like to forget?"

I would like to forget the rocking chair and the screaming and begging and the always being scared. I would like to forget the barking and the jumping and the crying and the gunshot and the brick steps and the house that is no more.

I would like to forget the situation that took the last thirteen years of my granny's life away from my family and ended a big part of my own. I would like to forget the people that caused the estrangement with my parents (we're reconciled now) and forever changed my life and how I look at people.

I would like to forget that Facebook profile blinking on the screen last summer that turned my life upside down after I had recovered from nearly dying and was happy, finally really happy. I would like to forget that "I wish I had died" feeling...and at that time I wanted to so bad because dying was better than living with that.

I would like to forget that happy feeling because it seems as though I will never be able to get there again...sometimes. I would like to forget the hurt that took the happy. I would like to forget that I couldn't even do the dying right and was left here to live with the remembering that I want to forget and forgetting what I want to remember.

I wish that I could forget to be me and forget the insecurities and fear and jealousies and sometimes even forget that I care and be the me that I was meant to be, happy and free.

I wish that I could forget what isn't meant to ever be again.

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